[based on a post to the Landmark Graduates' list, 26 July 2000]

Not wanting to

I think there is "not wanting to" and there is "not wanting to"...

There is "not wanting to" like not being present to how much you actually really do want to.
Like yesterday, I had been at my computer all day, and I knew there was a good time to go swimming at one of the local pools in the evening (an adults-only session). And about 6pm I was like "shall I go swimming... not sure if I can be bothered..." but I knew if I bothered, I probably would like it, so I did, and sure enough, once in the water, that magic moment happens & I was glad to be there. & part way through found myself grinning. & on my way home felt GREAT!

and then again there is "not wanting to" like an inner wisdom saying either "this is not the most powerful/nurturing thing for me at this moment", or "there is an unaddressed concern here". And I don't recommend talking yourself past those "not wants" or forcing yourself past them until you have listened to the underlying communication from your inner wisdom.

Could be for instance that there is an undeclared/unacknowledged, but important, commitment in the background that's in conflict with the action you were about to take in service of the declared commitment. I think this is what they call having well formed outcomes (which might be a NLP term, I don't recall) - anyway it's about making sure that getting one result doesn't ruin another result.
Simple and fairly obvious example: you might have a commitment to get promoted at work, and one of the actions you might at first take might be to do lots of overtime, but then that could be in conflict with your commitment to time with your family, or time to chill out. So of course you don't "want" to do the overtime, but it's not a superficial momentary "don't want to", it's a pointer to an un-managed commitment.

like your "don't want" could be saying something like "OK if you want both these results you're gonna have to be a bit creative in how you do it, & your current actions aren't gonna crack it, back to the drawing board".

Or maybe you are planning to have a difficult conversation with someone, and you're resisting it... could be for instance that it would be wise to get cleared first and get into a place of being empowered in your listening for that person... and as your inner wisdom knows it will work better if you do A (clearing) before B (having the conversation), of course it's gonna resist you if you stubbornly insist that what you should be doing right now is B...

Or (similar but slightly different) maybe there is something important to you that you're ignoring, and the feeling of "don't wanna do anything" is a wise bit of you telling you "will you slow down for a minute and stop doing all this other stuff and listen and notice what's missing and notice what's really important to you".

For me, it's like I have a few commitments which hold the space inside of which any other commitments get made or not made. and the meta-commitments are something like: always to allow for enquiry and exploration, to trust my intuition, and to nurture myself. One of my favourite affirmations is "I choose to grow through joy rather than struggle".

so personally I am averse to boxing myself in to doing stuff if it isn't calling to me. I'm not a big fan of "I said I was gonna do this so now I'm gonna make myself do it regardless of any feelings I may have".
although that does seem to work for some people :-)

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Copyright Jennifer Moore 2000